If only...

Insya Allah hari Kamis mendatang (alhamdulillah) saya harus pergi kerja.
Berhubung selama ini setiap pergi dan pulang sekolah kk Amanda selalu dengan saya, jadilah pagi ini..pelan2 saya 'sounding' niatan saya meninggalkan mereka 1 harian Kamis mg depan.

Mum : "kak...on thursday, I will not be able to take u to ur school. I have to work. So, whom do u want to go to school with?"

Amanda : "You take me first, then you go to work"

Mum : "Cannot Kak. The work will start at 8.00. Means I cannot take you that morning, or else I will be late for work"

Amanda : (starts having tears in her eyes, but fight so hard to make it stop)"mm..."

Mum : "How if with Pak Tarno. Coz mbak will have to be with El. Or Mbak Darsih? I could teach her to take you to ur school next Monday"

Amanda : "I dont want"

Mum : "Maybe yangkung?"

Amanda : "I want with mbak Yem"

Mum : "Ok then, she will have to take El with her but thats okay. Just be brave without me okay dear?"

Sebenernya dia selama ini di sekolah yang lama tidak pernah masalah siapa yang mengantar. Tapi ini lain cerita...
Dia pindah ke sekolah baru. Ok... sudah 6bln yang lalu lebih.
But you know what?
Dia kan serius... she needs more time to adjust. And I completely understand her...

Just cannot help to think...
I wish she were here.
And I know all my childern were gonna be okay..
*sigh*

Yeah yeah I know... gak ada gunanya sedih.. atau berandai andai.
Saya hanya ingin keluar dari reality sejenak dan membayangkan bagaimana hidup seandainya mama saya masih ada...

sejenak saja...